Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
where are you?
Hypothermia
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
