that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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