I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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