How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
