So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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