the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
