Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
