I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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