Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
