Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
how does that bad decision feel?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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