All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
