i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
