I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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