If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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