i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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