I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
