you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
