Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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