i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
