Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
