Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
