You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
