She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
