like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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