I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
