Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
