I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
