There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
