Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
