It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm going to jail i love you
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
