wanna go halves on a baby?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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