I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
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Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
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