I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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