I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
