she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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