I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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