There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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