I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
