Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
