got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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