i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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