I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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