i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
