I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
