just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'm really busy with my period
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