I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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