I wannas sexs uuuuu
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
