I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
