OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The beer is more important than you right now.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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