i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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