you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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