my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
