i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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