Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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