I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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