You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
