"it" just moved
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
