I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
