You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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