So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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