im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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