I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
