I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
