This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
