he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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