Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
