Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
