the new term for farting is butt boxing.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
