glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
and i looked up. we had an audience...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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