Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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