: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
