Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
did i just pee glitter
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
