on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
