You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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